"Unleashing Your True Self: Shelah Marie on Healing, Self-Acceptance, and becoming UNRULY"

This month, Words of Wellness is excited to spotlight UNRULY: A Guide to Reclaiming Your True Self by Shelah Marie. Releasing on October 22nd, UNRULY is a must-read for anyone seeking to reclaim their story and embrace their full self, especially Black women on the journey of healing and self-discovery. In this interview, Shelah Marie opens up about her journey, her philosophy of self-acceptance, and how readers can uncover their true selves.

Repeat after me: I am gentle and honest with myself - Shelah Marie
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Q: UNRULY is centered on the idea of embracing every part of yourself, even the parts society may have told you to reject. Can you share a moment in your own life when you realized the importance of this kind of self-acceptance, and how it influenced the writing of this book?

Shelah Marie:
"A pivotal moment in my journey of self-acceptance came after my experience on reality TV. Seeing myself portrayed in a one-dimensional way made me realize how much I had been hiding parts of myself to fit others' expectations. This experience directly influenced the writing of UNRULY as I wanted to encourage others to embrace all aspects of themselves, even the messy or contradictory parts."

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Q: You talk about the 'Unruly Philosophy' as a way to fully accept and embrace your inner diversity. How do you suggest readers begin to uncover and accept the layers of themselves that they may have kept hidden for so long? Do you have any book recommendations that helped you on your journey towards uncovering your authentic self?

Shelah Marie:
"To uncover hidden layers of yourself, I suggest starting with curiosity rather than judgment. Journaling, meditation, and therapy can be powerful tools. In terms of books that have helped me on my own journey, All About Love by bell hooks is a must-read. It redefines what love looks like and reminds us to start with self-love. A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson encourages us to let go of fear and embrace love as a guiding force in our lives. What Happened to You? by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey sheds light on how trauma impacts our lives and how we can heal from it. Lastly, The Body Is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor is a powerful guide to radical self-love and body acceptance. Each of these books offers profound insights into self-acceptance, healing, and living fully as yourself."

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Q: Your book emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and honoring past versions of ourselves with compassion. How can we begin to make peace with our past selves, especially when those pasts are filled with pain or regret?

Shelah Marie:
"Making peace with our past selves involves practicing self-compassion. I encourage readers to view their past selves as children who were doing their best with the tools they had at the time. The 'inner child work' discussed in Chapter 7 can be particularly helpful for this process."

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Q: In UNRULY, you encourage readers to develop their "Main Character Energy." What does this concept mean to you as a creative, and how can someone start to embody this energy in their daily life?

Shelah Marie:
"Main Character Energy is all about taking ownership of your life and stepping into the spotlight of your own story. As a creative, it means embracing your unique voice, talents, and vision without apology. It’s about recognizing that you are the author of your own narrative, and you have the power to shape it in a way that aligns with your truest self."

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Q: As someone who has created healing spaces like Curvy, Curly, Conscious, what advice do you have for Black women who are just beginning their journey of self-discovery and healing, especially in a world that often tries to define our worth for us?

Shelah Marie:
"For Black women beginning their journey of self-discovery, my advice is to be gentle with yourself. Remember that healing isn't linear, and it's okay to take breaks. Seek out spaces and communities that affirm your full humanity. Don't be afraid to redefine success and worth on your own terms, outside of societal expectations."

My Final Thoughts:

I really enjoyed being able to connect with Shelah and learn more about her story. When we share our stories, we help others release the burden of shame and we normalize emotional challenges we all face along our life paths. Shelah has done so much to uplift Black women and I know her book will help so many others feel seen, validated, and less alone. Ya'll are going to LOVE the UNRULY Inquiries and affirmations shared at the end of each chapter for your own reading and journaling practice.

It's also no surprise to me that when asked to comment on making peace with ourselves and past mistakes, Shelah referenced Ch: 7 'Passed-Down Performances'. In this chapter she addresses the importance of connection to our inner child as a way to understand and reflect on key experiences that define our way of being in the world.

Shelah writes: "Many women, especially Black women, find that we are labeled as angry, when deep down we are really hurt. But when we express our pain, many times we are dismissed, rejected, and even vilified. I, like many women, attempted to cover my hurt with anger for many years because I became ashamed of it."

Healing the inner child is a necessary step toward embracing our authentic selves. Many women, particularly Black women, often find our pain is misunderstood or dismissed, leading us to hide our vulnerability behind anger or defensiveness. When we engage in inner child work, we begin to address the wounds and unhealed emotions we’ve carried for years, allowing us to release the shame associated with expressing our true feelings. This process helps us peel away the layers of societal expectations, reconnect with our genuine emotions, and live in alignment with who we truly are, free from the fear of judgment or rejection.

Shelah Marie’s UNRULY is a powerful call to step into our full, authentic selves and let go of the stories others have written for us. Maybe we couldn't control our narratives as children but now as adults we have the agency to make necessary changes and to begin the healing process. With her candid personal stories, practical exercises, and thoughtful guidance, UNRULY provides a warm invitation to reclaiming the truest version of yourself.

Whether you’re just beginning your healing journey or deep in the process, UNRULY offers a roadmap to embracing your inner diversity, healing your past, and living as the star of your own story. Preorder your book today and let's support Black authors by reading, reviewing, and amplifying their heart work. Thank you, as always, for reading and being in community at LiterapyNYC.